En Route
by Selanp
Summary: Lard Nar and the Resisty set out to find his family, who had gone missing after the invasion of Vort. They face dangers and peril, and learn that sometimes... the journey is much more fulfilling than the destination.
1. Outset

Oh, wow! Wow! Guys, look! I've finally, FINALLY started this fic! I've had this one planned since... well, probably since about the time I started that Resisty club on Deviant. It's just been that I never knew how to start... but now I've started! I guess that ZAGR I wrote DID help... got the creative juices a'flowin'! Mmmm, juice.

Sooo, yes. Actually not a one-shot, too! I'm shooting for three or four chapters, but who knows?

Oh, and I don't own Invader Zim or the Resisty or any of its members yadda yadda yadda... you've heard it all before.

And NOW! Prepare thine buttmeats for rocking, as this fic begins... NOW!

---

Chapter one / Outset

The Resisty had nothing to do. Since the loss of their flagship, they hadn't the resources to attack even the smallest of Irken vessels, nor did they have any means of getting a new ship. Some of the Resisty's members had decided to get jobs to raise funds for the movement, but some of the members were unable to attain employment and still others-- notably the leaders-- had to stick around to watch over things... not that there was all that much to watch over.  
And so it was that Lard Nar, Spleenk, and Shloonktapooxis were lounging about the bridge of their temporary flagship; a newly renovated trash barge that barely housed all the members of the resistance. Spleenk was trying to busy himself on one of the computer consoles while Shloonktapooxis hovered in circles around him, and captain Lard Nar was staring out the window, absentmindedly watching the universe fly past as the ship sped along with no clear destination but the ambition to get away from anywhere where the Irkens could find them. The silence in the room hung over them, and eventually the cone-shaped Shloonktapooxis decided to break the thick veil of quiet with a muted cough, and the simple statement "I'm bored."

"So am I," Spleenk added, deliberately pressing a few buttons on his computer.

"Yes, yes, we're all bored," Lard Nar replied, still with his eyes focused outside.

"Let's go _do_ something," Shloonktapooxis suggested, jumping up and down like a toddler needing the toilet.

"We can't," Lard Nar stated, finally giving his compatriots his full attention, "We cannot risk allowing the Irkens to find us, and therefore we cannot go anywhere where we could do anything that would be any more exciting than what we're doing now."

"Why can't we take one of the other ships?" Shloonktapooxis asked hopefully, floating nearer to his captain.

"We can't leave the ship unattended," Lard Nar insisted, "It's too dangerous."

Shloonktapooxis sighed harshly, dropping himself onto the floor and rolling around in what resembled a bout of teenage angst. "You never let us do anything!"

"Ehhn," Spleenk interjected, "That floor hasn't been cleaned properly."

Shloonktapooxis looked up at his green companion, now covered head to... vertex?... in filth. "Wuh?"

"Nevermind," Spleenk replied quickly.

Lard Nar shifted his weight in his chair, his butt sore from all the sitting. "I don't see why you can't go talk to someone else on the ship. We don't have to risk our _lives_ just to ease your boredom."

"I trieddd!" Shloonktapooxis whined, "They all think I'm _noxious!_"

Lard Nar looked at his right-hand cone oddly. "You mean _ob_noxious?"

Shloonktapooxis gasped in horror. "You think so, too!" He resumed his tortured roll across the dirty floor, screaming in lament.

"No, no!" Lard Nar cried, trying to cease the noise coming from his polygonal partner, "I don't think so at all! Stop screaming!"

"You don't think I'm abnoxious?" Shloonktapooxis asked. When his captain nodded in the affirmative, Shloonktapooxis lept from the floor with the ferocity of a thousand hobos on hooch and did a little flip in mid-air. "Awesome!"

Lard Nar leaned back in his chair, having stood up while comforting the cone. "Yes, yes."

"I'm hungry," Spleenk complained, "Can we stop by Foodcourtia?"

"Are you insane?" The Vortian captain's horns raised in irritation, "That's Irken territory-- we'd have to be suicidal to go there!"

"But I'm hungryyyy!" Spleenk squealed in belly-grumbling botheration.

Lard Nar groaned, trying to ignore his own empty stomach. He tried to change the subject. "So... er... how are you guys' families doing?"

Shloonktapooxis' short attention span took to the new conversation like a internet troll to an Invader Zim message board. "My little sister got an antenna extension! The boys at her college think she's totally hot now!" He made a stupid face that may have implied pride.

"Er... good for her, then," Lard Nar looked to Spleenk, "How did your mother's wart removal go, Spleenk?"

"Terrible!" Replied the four-armed alien, "She went into a coma."

"From a _wart removal?_" Lard Nar asked incredulously.

"The doctor accidentally hit her in the head with a bat," Spleenk explained, "Twenty times. Funny how these things happen, huh?"

The captain was lost for words, amazed his technical officer was unable to notice how suspicious that was. "... Yeah. Funny."

"So what about you, Cap'n?" Shloonktapooxis asked enthusiastically, floating himself right up into Lard Nar's face.

"I don't know," The Vortian rebel responded.

"Whaddya mean?" Shloonktapooxis drilled, speaking quickly and loudly, "How don't you know?"

"The only family I have is my grandfather, who is imprisoned on Vort," Lard Nar confessed, "I haven't heard from him since the invasion."

"That sucks!" Shloonktapooxis said simply, backing up a bit.

"That's your only family?" Spleenk asked, more out of a tactless curiosity than out of sympathy.

Lard Nar sighed, and turned back to the window. Spleenk and Shloonktapooxis looked to each other for a moment, then back to their leader.

"Cap'n?" Shloonktapooxis prodded, as close to quiet compassion as his simple mind allowed.

"I had a fiancee," Lard Nar told them, still looking out into space, "She lived on Vort. I haven't heard from her, either," He paused, "She wasn't a scientist, nor was she physically fit for labor. She was probably executed by the Irkens."

"Probably? What, so you don't know for sure?" Spleenk asked, leaning forward with interest.

Lard Nar shook his head. "Non-Irken communications can't reach the planet, and I can't get anywhere near there."

"But, but what if she's waiting for you!" Shloonktapooxis questioned hurriedly, borderlining on panic, "She's been all alone over there for so long! Cap'n, you gotta go find her!"

"I told you, she was probably executed," Lard Nar replied harshly, "Just as we'll be if we try to go near Vort."

"But captain!" Spleenk said, standing up, "We're the _Resisty!_ We can't just back down and settle for assumptions just because the Irkens are in the way! We've gotta, yanno, RESIST!"

"Are you kidding! We'll be _SLAUGHTERED!_" Lard Nar screeched in horror. He took a few deep breaths, then paused. "No, no. You're right. I can't just back down and allow the Irkens to keep me from my loved ones! I have to show those Irken tyrants that I will _NOT_ allow them to push me around!"

"_YEAHHHH!_" Shloonktapooxis cheered loudly, "Resisty ROOOCKS!"

"Let's go!" Lard Nar pumped a triumphant fist into the air, before realization dawned upon him and he stopped. "Wait. We can't just take the ship with us, it'll be too suspicious. You guys painted the Resisty's insignia all over it," He glared at his two minions, who in turn looked to the ground in shame.

"Well, let's take another ship," Spleenk suggested simply.

"But who will watch over things here?" The captain's horns fell flat against his head, his ambition draining fast.

Spleenk shrugged. "I dunno, that brain guy, maybe?"

Lard Nar wasn't sure if "that brain guy" could pilot a ship like this, and this just REEKED of "BAD IDEA," but as he always did, Lard Nar conceded. "Alright. Let's go, fellow rebels!"

The three dashed down the ship's main hall. They stopped at a random room, and Lard Nar threw the door open.  
"You!" He yelled to the brain-headed inhabitant of the room, "Take the helm!"

"Where are _you_ going?" The brain-guy asked in a mechanical voice.

"We're going...," An ambitious smile overtook the face of the small grey Vortian. "... On a rescue mission."

"Pssst! Can we go to Foodcourtia on the way?" Spleenk whispered.

Lard Nar sighed, crestfallen. "... _After_ we stop by Foodcourtia."

And so, the three resistance leaders left their interim flagship, setting course for snackfoods and adventure.


	2. Border Patrol

Boy oh boy, my apologies for the delay. I hit a roadblock. That's been happening alot lately, and I won't say that it won't happen again because it probably will. But whatever! Here's chapter two, read it and enjoy!

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Chapter two / Border patrol

The three jumped into their ship, bags of various sorts of alien fast-food still in their hands. Spleenk started the engine as his two comrades urged him to hurry up, get them off this planet, get away. The ship zoomed off of the ground and into the sky, as a group of Irkens-- all with food stuck to their heads-- shook their fists at the sky that the Resisty members had taken off into.

"Whoo!" Spleenk exclaimed as his panic was replaced by exhilaration, "That was cool!"

"That was pointlessly dangerous," Lard Nar grumbled before pulling a fried Vort-dog out of his paper bag and chewing on it.

"Aw, you can't tell me throwing slydoodeedoos at Irkens isn't fun!" Shloonktapooxis insisted, "And they're not chasing us! We're in the clear!"

Lard Nar looked out the window, watching signs go past as they exited official Foodcourtian airspace. "Regardless. We've got a job to do, we can't go risking getting killed before we even get to Vort."

"But you were doin' it too, Cap'n!" Shlooktapooxis chirped, "You threw a plooka at that big fat Irken guy!"

Lard Nar nearly choked on his food. They _saw_ that! "That was an accident!"

"An accident with really good aim!" Spleenk laughed, "Aw, don't worry about it, boss. We didn't get killed, so whatever!"

The captain rolled his eyes, not so much because he was annoyed, but to make his comrades think he was. After all, he couldn't encourage their reckless behavior, hilarious though it may have been. "Yes. Well. We ought to head over to Vort now-- no detours this time. Okay?"

"No problem, Captain!" Spleenk enthusiastically hit some buttons on the small ship's console, then slammed his foot down on the ship's equivalent of a gas pedal. The ship's engine vibrated in a way that would have indicated it was making a roaring sort of noise that couldn't be heard in the vacuum of space, and the stars began to shoot past as the ship's speed exceeded that of light. The three alien rebels were off to their leader's home.

It wasn't long before the blurs of stars they were passing began to look familiar to the little grey freedom fighter, and the ship slowed to cruising speed as they entered orbit around the Vortian parent star.

"What's the plan, Cap'n?" Shloonktapooxis questioned cheerily, "We gonna run in there and bust some heads!"

"No," Lard Nar replied simply.

"So... what're we doin'?" Shloonktapooxis asked again.

"I don't know," Said the leader. "I hadn't really thought this out."

"I know!" Claimed Spleenk, "I have an idea!"

And so Spleenk explained his plan to his two comrades as their ship hurtled its way across space and toward the Vortian home planet.

It wasn't long before they reached the security perimeter surrounding Planet Vort. The ship slowed to a halt, its retrorockets canceling out the forward motion of the craft. An Irken vehicle pulled up next to the Resisty members' ship, and was greeted on the video feed by a four-armed green alien with a suspiciously fake-looking mustache.

"Hi there, Irken master!" Spleenk greeted, holding his mustache up with one hand. "We are totally not rebels against your empire, so how's about you let us in, eh?"

The Irken on their end of the feed, an alien that was large with what they couldn't tell was muscle or fat, frowned and grunted. "No non-Irkens are allowed onto this planet."

"C'mooon!" Shloonktapooxis cried, popping out on screen from the backseat, wearing a fake mustache under each eye, "We promise not to break anyone out!"

More Irken border-patrol vehicles began to approach. The Irken guard didn't seem like he was going to give in. "Turn around before we vaporize you, short things."

"We ought to turn around," Lard Nar whispered from under the seat. He had to stay hidden, as any Vortian trying to return to Vort would be shot on sight.

"Ah, right," Spleenk agreed, still looking at the Irken, "We'll be on our way."

Their dinky little ship turned around, fired its rockets, and scooted away.

Lard Nar climbed out from under the seat. "I should have known that wouldn't work! Why do I keep listening to you?"

Spleenk shrugged. "I dunno, I kinda thought I was on a roll today before that last one."

Lard Nar let out a harsh sigh. "We need to regroup and come up with a better plan."

Spleenk looked to the dashboard. "Might as well get some fuel too, boss, we're nearly out."

"Oh, man," Lard Nar mumbled annoyedly, "Gas prices in Irken territories is murder."

"Oh-emm-gee!" Shloonktapooxis cried, his fake moustaches wiggling with the movement of his face as he talked, "Convenience-store taquitos! Let's go!"

Spleenk turned the ship to another direction, and sped along the vacuum of space, looking for a refueling station. Soon enough they found one, a small station attached to a lopsided asteroid. They set the ship down, and Shloonktapooxis and Spleenk both ventured indoors to use the restroom as their fearless leader refilled the ion engine's plasma tank.

Lard Nar tapped his foot as the tank filled, watching in irritation as the price gauge went up. He wondered if he could get away with leaving without paying.

An Irken ship landed in the parking lot a few meters away from where Lard Nar stood. He watched the ship carefully through its reflection on his ship, trying to act nonchalant so as not to bring attention to himself-- he didn't know how well known his face was among Irkens and thus didn't want to risk being noticed for fear they might remember him as the rebel leader he was.

The Irkens that had been in the ship-- four of them, the maximum capacity for a small cruiser like that-- all hopped out. Lard Nar could hear them chattering about snackfoods and toilet breaks, and it was when they had all gone inside that he noticed something.

The engine on the Irken vehicle was still running.

Lard Nar turned and stared at the ship, which looked to him almost like a golden chariot sent by the Vortian gods themselves.

Shloonktapooxis and Spleenk returned from their pit stop. Spleenk noticed the plasma tank was near to overflowing, and removed the refilling hose. "Boss, you nearly overfilled the tank!"

"I did?" Lard Nar asked absentmindedly, looking at his two subordinates. "That's not important now. Look," He pointed to the Irken ship.

"Sweet ride!" Exclaimed Shloonktapooxis, "Who do ya' think it belongs to?"

"It's Irken," Lard Nar stated, "And the key is still in the ignition."

Spleenk's small eyes widened. "Boss, we'd be obliterated if the Irkens caught us stealing one of their ships!"

"Who's to say they'll catch us?" Lard Nar asked deviously, "Come on! We aren't going to be intimidated into giving up this opportunity! With that ship, they'll assume we're Irkens! We can fly right through the security on Vort-- and any other planet we might need to infiltrate! Let's go, men!"

The Resisty leader proceeded to dash over to the Irken ship and jump into the cockpit. Shloonktapooxis let out a loud "Whoo!" and followed suit. Spleenk, fearing the consequences though he knew what a good plan this was, glanced about warily before he, too, entered the ship.

And off they went, into the universe with a new ship and a false identity.


	3. Contact

_Ah! Finally! Yet another chapter! Why do I take so long, though? Sheesh. I am a bad Selan. Bad, bad me._

_Man, though. I originally intended this to be four chapters long, but now I'm up to three and only maybe halfway through. Is that good or bad…?_

…

Chapter three / Contact

It didn't take them long to get back to Vort, and with their new ship they didn't even have to speak with the border guards—they just flew right into Vortian airspace with no trouble at all. They orbited the planet for a short while before landing, however, so that they could devise the next part of their plan.

"We've been phenomenally lucky so far," Lard Nar said to his two companions, "But once we land, we'll have to assume that our luck is out. Once we leave the ship, it'll be clear that we are NOT Irkens."

Shloonktapooxis bounced. "Can't we make some awesome DISGUISES?"

Spleenk nodded. "Yeah! We've still got the moustaches!"

Lard Nar shook his head. "I don't think that will work. I think our best bet would be to find a safe place to land and stay hidden. I'm sure we can find someone who would be willing to help us from there. Shloonktapooxis, do you still have our Vortian transmitter?"

Shloonktapooxis did a little flip in mid-air. "No DUH! Here ya' go!" The top of his head opened up, and a small radio-like device with a microphone attatched to it jumped out of Shloonktapooxis' head and landed right in the Resisty leader's hands.

"Good," Lard Nar set the radio down on his lap, and turned some dials with one hand whilst pressing buttons with another. The radio emitted static and odd little weee-ooo-weeeee noises. Lard Nar pressed down on a green button and spoke into the machine. "Hello, hello? Vortian brothers?"

Static.

"This is Captain Lard Nar of the Resisty. Is anyone there?"

Static. Popping noises. Static.

"We're on a rescue mission. I repeat—"

Finally, a voice came through.

"Took you long enough!" It said through the static.

Lard Nar sighed in relief. "Is there anywhere safe we can land?"

"It's been years!" The voice complained, "Why hasn't anyone else come to help?"

"It really hasn't been possible," Lard Nar explained hurriedly, "Now, we need to land! Where is a secure area?"

"We've had to hide out in holes in the ground, you know!" The voice continued, completely ignoring Lard Nar. "Those Irkens are everywhere and the heck if I'll get captured by them!"

"Yes, well, that's all well and good," Lard Nar sighed, "But where can we land where the Irkens won't see us?"

"Oh, you want to land now? Why didn't you say so before?"

Lard Nar knew better than to argue. The voice gave him a set of coordinates. Spleenk followed the directions and found a small valley, surrounded by high mountains. Very few plants seemed to grow there, and what plants did thrive were all weeds. They set the ship down among the thorny, sparse leaves and stepped out.

"Hello?" Lard Nar called out, cupping his hands onto his mouth.

"Awfully small ship for a rescue mission!" A voice said in the distance. It was the same voice from the radio.

"It's the best we could do," Lard Nar said, looking around, "Where are you?"

"Down here!"

Lard Nar, Spleenk, and Shloonktapooxis looked down in unison. A small blue Vortian face was looking back at them from under an ajar manhole that had been covered in dirt to camouflage it.

"Hi there!" Shloonktapooxis said too enthusiastically.

"Get in before they see you!" The blue Vortian commanded.

He disappeared down a ladder under the manhole, and the three Resisty members followed suit, closing the lid above them. They climbed down the ladder in darkness until they emerged into a dimly lit chamber filled with various exhausted-looking Vortians. The Resisty looked around. The Vortians all looked back at the Resisty.

"Honestly," Said the blue Vortian, "I don't know how you're going to fit us all in that ship."

"Er…," Lard Nar coughed. "Really, we didn't expect to find so many outside captivity."

"No excuse for poor preparation," the blue one shook his head. "No excuse at all. Who did you say you were, again?"

"I'm Captain Lard Nar," Lard Nar said, "And this is Spleenk, and this one is Shloonktapooxis. We're the Resisty."

"The what?" Asked a greenish Vortian near the back.

Lard Nar had known this would happen. "The… Resisty."

"That's a dumb name," Noted a pink Vortian closer to them.

Lard Nar sighed. "I know."

"Who came up with that?" Asked another.

Lard Nar pointed to Spleenk. Spleenk smiled nervously. The Vortians all laughed.

Lard Nar sighed again and shook his head. "Yes, yes, it's a very funny name."

Shloonktapooxis bobbed and made a face. "I suggested the _Pirate Monkeys!_"

There was silence, then roaring laughter. Lard Nar wanted to disappear. Some triumphant return to the homeland _this_ was!

"That's enough!" Lard Nar cried, "We want to speak with whoever's in charge of this little group here."

"That'd be me," Said the blue Vortian. "Mayor Lad Prig, at your service. Welcome to the quaint little town of Hole-in-the-ground."

"Ah. Well then," Lard Nar adjusted his goggles. "May we speak to you in private, please?"

"We're talking now, aren't we?"

Lard Nar looked around at the crowd. "Not in private."

"Oh, _private!_" Said Lad Prig, "I thought you said _pirate_."

"Why in the world would I have said _pirate?_" Lard Nar asked in frustration.

"I don't know, that cone friend of yours seems to like monkey pirates, so…"

Lard Nar put his head in his hands. "No, no. We wish to speak with you in _private_."

Lad Prig motioned over to a tunnel in the rock wall. "Well then! Step into my office!"

The three Resisty members followed Lad Prig down the tunnel into a small, cramped cavern. The mayor of Hole-in-the-ground sat down on a rock behind another rock that looked almost like a desk. Lard Nar and his comrades stood in front of him.

"I'm looking for my grandfather," Said Lard Nar. "I suspect that he's probably in imprisonment somewhere on this planet."

Shloonktapooxis blinked. "Hey, what about—"

Lard Nar elbowed the cone.

"I thought you said you were on a rescue mission," Said Lad Prig.

"We are. We're rescuing him first, then we'll come back for everyone else," Lard Nar explained.

"Well that's bunk," Said the mayor with a frown.

"I'm afraid that's really the only way we can do this," Lard Nar said.

Lad Prig shrugged. "Guess we gotta take what we can get. I'll check my files, see if I can find your granddad. What was his name, now?"

"Ped Grob," Lard Nar replied.

There was silence for a moment. Lard Nar fidgeted. "… Well?"

"Hm? Oh. Well, I didn't say I'd check my files _now."_

Lard Nar sighed. "Soon, then?"

"Oh, yes. Soon."

"But not now?"

"No, not now."

Lard Nar sighed. "Well, that's fine, I guess…"

Lad Prig stood up. "See, can't do it now because it's just about dinner time, you see?"

Lard Nar blinked. Dinner? Authentic Vortian food! He hadn't had a good Vortian meal in so long...!

Shloonktapooxis bobbed over to Lad Prig. "Aww, common, can't you skip dinner? The suspense is KILLING me!"

Lard Nar pulled Shloonktapooxis away from the mayor, images of his mother's cooking floating around his head. "Now, now, we shouldn't keep a man away from his meal. In fact, I think we should all sit down to eat."

"Good man," Said Lad Prig as he stood back up. "Come on, let's get to the dining cavern before the good seats are taken."

So the four of them went to get dinner, ready to get to work as soon as their bellies were filled.


End file.
